my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
