the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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