I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
