I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
