dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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