if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How naked do you want me to be?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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