she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
