i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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