I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
third nipple confirmed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
