His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My ass is underappreciated
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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