so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
