Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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