I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
