If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
