I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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