The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
