Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
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you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
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I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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