Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize