miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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