woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
