everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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