Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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