Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
