I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
