i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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