on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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