so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
