he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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