even my farts smell like vagina
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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