I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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