After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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