I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
