I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
