I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
