you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
