People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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