i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
