Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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