I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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