I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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