All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
