I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
