he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
