Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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