"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
