bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
