my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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