hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
