Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
