Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
