i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
