I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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