Non-Jews are for practice
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
