I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
