me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
