he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
foreskin is a definite game changer
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
