i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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