I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm like, not good at living.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize