Pappa wants mamma naked
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
