oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
