Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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