A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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