My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I believe in your delicious
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize